Growing up I always felt like being married was the end goal. The majority of adults around me were divorcees or single – but I seemed to have ignored this and focussed on the happy relationships in TV shows, films and in magazines. These all seemed to suggest that the only way to be happy was to be with someone else.

But the most important relationship that you’ll be in is with yourself. I talk about self-acceptance in my content, so naturally I wanted to talk about this the day after the “day of love” (Valentine’s Day). I feel very lucky to be able to have spent the day with my other half. Even though we have spent this whole lockdown together – neither of us have really relaxed and we’ve not spent any time just enjoying each other’s company.

As much as I enjoy Ru Paul’s Drag Race – I don’t necessarily believe in it’s most famous saying. Self-love, self-acceptance, body-neutrality or whatever you decide to focus on is a journey. If you want to be in a relationship but feel like you have to wait until you are ready and love yourself – you could be waiting forever.

In complete honesty, my body-acceptance journey actually became easier for me since being in a relationship because I found someone who completely accepted me for who I am and didn’t want me to be anyone but myself. His support allows me to focus on learning to accept myself. You definitely don’t need to be in a relationship for it to happen for you and my journey definitely started before I met my boyfriend - but he’s also helped me too.

So, here are some ideas for how we could all focus on giving ourselves the love and care that we deserve to.

Be With Your Body
I am definitely the type of person that loves hanging out with friends, family & my boyfriend for hours – but then I need some time to myself to decompress and calm my mind. I have found being with other people even more difficult because of lockdown – but I’ll get there. There are so many different ways that you can be with your body and just spend time with yourself. Some of these include:

·         A bubble bath – half an hour of just doing nothing while also giving your body time to truly relax (I’ve said half an hour as apparently that’s the ideal time for a bath – who knew?).

·         Masturbating – even when you’re in a relationship it’s still important to stay in touch with your own body and continue learning about yourself. And don’t let anyone try and shame you for it!

·         Going for a lone walk – this isn’t something that I do much as I’m always wary of being out on my own. However, there are a couple of nice parks around where I live, and I don’t mind walking around them. Taking a walk on your own just means that you get to be with your own thoughts (which links to a point further down). You are also an individual person. I’ve heard from so many people “I have to be in a relationship as I don’t know how to be single”. Obviously, there are differences between being in a relationship and being single and if you’ve just come out of a long-term relationship it will feel weird. However, it’s so important to remember that you are an individual person who is worthy whether you are in a relationship or not. You have to look after you.

Positive Affirmations/Compliment Yourself
Compliments are lovely to receive, aren’t they? They make you laugh; they make you smile & they make you blush. So, why don’t we compliment ourselves enough? There’s definitely a difference between thinking & acting like you’re better than everyone else and telling yourself the truth about how great you are. Complimenting yourself and telling yourself positive affirmations is definitely good for your brain. “The brain is extremely malleable. Every thought you have creates a strong neural connection in your brain and that connection is strengthened each time you have that thought. The stronger the neural connection, the stronger it shapes your beliefs. By changing your thoughts, you physically alter your brain. So, by praising yourself more often, you create positive connections that can completely alter your life in incredible and fantastic ways” (source).

Take Note of Your Emotions
It’s so important to allow yourself to actually take a moment to register how you’re feeling. Sometimes we get so caught up in running about and doing life that we forget to take a moment to register how we’re actually feeling. If we don’t give ourselves time to feel sad, those emotions will just build up and get worse and the treatment for this will likely take more time than if you’d just taken some time the first time you felt it.

We have to make our own happiness. Obviously, there are things that your partner or other people can do that will make you feel the emotion of happiness – but you can’t put your whole existence of happiness onto one person as that isn’t fair on them. They are an individual person too and they also need to focus on being their own happiness.   

Lot’s of people struggle with Valentine’s Day as they feel like their not as worthy as they haven’t got another half. But there are so many other loves that should be celebrated! Obviously, this post is about loving yourself – but you should definitely spend time with family and friends too as you are so loved; often more than you realise!

If anyone ever needs to chat, feel free to send me a message on any of my social medias – or even pop me an email! Stay strong and carry on being the wonderful human being that you are!!

Cerys x

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