My Biggest Fears
Edited April 2020
Since we’ve just celebrated Halloween, I thought that it was only appropriate to talk about fears. Some of them are basic and some of them are a bit deep.
If anyone has any fears that they want to share, please comment below.
Now, let’s get onto my list.
1. Clowns
Let’s start by talking about my most well-known fear – clowns. I am still yet to figure out where this fear came from. The last time that I remember being in the presence of a clown (I was maybe 6? I have no idea really) he was teaching me how to spin plates and I was having a great time. Fast forward to now and my heart starts racing and my palms get sweaty at even the thought of a clown…
I really struggled with looking for this gif…but I did it!
2. Being Alone
To clarify I don’t mean that I get scared whenever I’m on my own because that’s not true. I love having time to myself and being creative, reflecting on life or just curling up and watching Netflix. By ‘being alone’ I mean losing everyone that I know and having no one to turn to etc. Basically, being completely excluded from everyone/everything. It’s a bit deep and morbid this one, but it’s very true.
3. The Dark
I know that several people have a fear of the dark and I am definitely one of those people. I guess this fear links with my fear of the unknown (see point 7). It’s not necessarily the actual dark that I’m scared of, but what could be in the dark; even though it’s mostly just a housemate trying to scare me…
Just an FYI, I hate being scared as it can cause me to have a panic attack and those aren’t fun.
4. Heights
Similarly to my fear of the dark, it’s not necessarily the actual height that scares me, but it’s the possibility of falling from said height. Even if there’s no way that I can fall, I still get anxious about it. Sometimes, in myself, I’ll be fine with the height, looking out at the views around me. But then suddenly my legs will freeze, feel weak and then start shaking. I even feel sick walking up steps with gaps in; one of the reasons that I don’t tend to go into the Urban Outfitters in Liverpool One.
5. Not Being Able To Have Children
Another deep one. Anyone who knows me knows how extremely maternal I am. Any time that I see a small child I feel so broody and I just melt. It’s even started to rub off on some of my friends who never used to be like that. Some close family members were unable to have children and I know how devastated they were. I’m not going to talk about this fear anymore as I get upset every time. However, I do think that it’s an important topic to talk about.
6. Failing
I have a massive fear of failing. I think that this probably stems from all of my insecurities and how I feel about myself. I’m yet to find anything that I majorly enjoy/excel in hobby/education wise, so I kinda just rely on grades and what other people say to decide how well I’m doing in life (yes, I know that I shouldn’t). So, when I didn’t do as well as I wanted to in school/college/university, it really got to me. However, since starting this blog and getting more of an idea of what my future plans are, I’m becoming a little (and I mean a little) bit better with the concept of failure.
7. The Unknown
I like to plan and ensure that other people are happy. Therefore, not knowing what could happen in the future fills me with the fear. I’m not necessarily always the one to take charge and be in control (although I’m sure some people would disagree), but I still like to have some idea of what I’m going to be doing/where I’m going to be. It also helps with blog post planning. I guess my fear of the unknown is also one of the reasons that I’m the worst packer. I will pack for every possible occasion. People always tell me that it’s a waste and that I’m just straining myself. But it makes me feel calmer and more settled, so I’m going to continue to do it. And it’s always me that has something when another person needs it.
8. Public Speaking
Since I have two presentations coming up for university, my fear of public speaking will be brought to the forefront once again. The presentations will be in front of two lecturers (and maybe a camera). Even this makes me ridiculously anxious. I start panicking if I have to talk in class too. Sometimes I’m not even brave enough to talk in a large group of friends. I’m also told that the more practice I do the better I’ll be. I’ve been doing presentations almost every year that I’ve been in education and quite frankly, I’m getting worse… In any of these situations Rescue Remedy is my best friend (I tend to like the sweets the best). It doesn’t always work miracles, but it does make a massive difference. I’ve also accepted the fact that I will never get top marks for my presentations and I’m okay with that. – Update; I absolutely smashed both presentations and got my best marks ever. It took me long enough…but I finally did well in a presentation!
Fears can be weird things, but I guess that’s just a part of life.
Let me know in the comments section what your fears are. And follow my socials.
Cerys x